Key Points:
- An identity crisis in autism often arises when individuals struggle to reconcile their true selves with social expectations and years of masking.
- Factors like late diagnosis, internalized stigma, and lack of self-understanding contribute to confusion about personal identity.
- Supportive therapies, such as ABA, can empower autistic individuals to build self-awareness and emotional resilience.
Understanding oneself is a lifelong process—but for autistic individuals, that journey can be particularly complex. Research indicates that approximately 70% of autistic individuals also struggle with psychiatric disorders, including difficulties with their identity.
Many experience what’s known as an identity crisis in autism, especially after a late diagnosis or following years of masking their traits. This crisis is not just emotional—it touches every part of life, from relationships and self-esteem to daily functioning and long-term goals.
Autistic people often question who they truly are when they’ve spent much of their lives adapting to a world that doesn’t reflect their needs. Let’s explore what this struggle looks like, where it comes from, and how individuals can work toward identity clarity and acceptance.
What Is an Identity Crisis in Autism?
An identity crisis in autism is the confusion or distress an autistic person may feel when they struggle to reconcile their autistic traits with social expectations, masking behaviors, or a late diagnosis. It often involves questions like, “Who am I without masking?” or “How much of my personality is truly me?”
This internal conflict can develop over time, especially when someone has adapted to fit into neurotypical environments at the cost of their own authenticity. For those diagnosed later in life, realizing they are autistic can be both validating and destabilizing, triggering a reevaluation of past experiences, relationships, and self-concept.
Why Do Autistic People Experience an Identity Crisis?
Autistic individuals often spend years, sometimes decades, trying to conform to societal norms. This can mean hiding sensory sensitivities, forcing eye contact, scripting conversations, or mimicking social cues. These behaviors are not just habits—they become deeply ingrained in the person’s perception of self.
When a diagnosis finally brings clarity, it can also dismantle that framework. A person may look back on their life and realize how much of it was shaped by external expectations, not internal preferences. This sudden realization can be overwhelming.
Some factors that can contribute to identity crises in autistic individuals include:
1. Late Diagnosis
Without early intervention, many autistic individuals grow up feeling misunderstood or “different” without knowing why. This lack of clarity can lead to internal confusion and delayed access to helpful supports or coping strategies.
2. Prolonged Masking
Continuously suppressing natural responses to blend in socially can make it difficult to recognize one’s true preferences or needs. Over time, this disconnect can contribute to identity struggles and emotional fatigue.
3. Lack of Representation
When autistic individuals don’t see people like them in media, leadership, or daily life, it can reinforce feelings of isolation. Visibility matters—it validates experiences and helps build self-worth and community.
4. Cultural and Familial Pressures
Expectations from family or cultural norms may discourage behaviors seen as “different” or “unusual.” This pressure often causes autistic individuals to hide traits, contributing to stress and identity suppression.
5. Internalized Ableism
Growing up around negative messages about autism can lead individuals to view their traits as flaws. This internalized stigma often interferes with self-acceptance and mental health.
These influences can make it difficult for someone to define who they are outside of these imposed frameworks.
What Does an Autism Identity Crisis Feel Like?
Identity struggles are deeply personal, but there are common emotional and cognitive experiences reported by autistic individuals. Many describe feeling like they’ve been “performing” their whole lives. Others struggle with a sense of lost time—years spent pretending to be someone else just to fit in.
These feelings often lead to anxiety, confusion, and in some cases, depression. Some individuals may retreat socially or isolate as they attempt to sort through these emotions in a safe space.
Some common experiences during an autism identity crisis include:
These emotional challenges are real, but they’re also navigable—with the right tools and support.
What Can Help Autistic People Rebuild Their Sense of Identity?
Rebuilding identity is not about finding one fixed label—it’s about reconnecting with the parts of yourself that may have been hidden, ignored, or misunderstood. This process takes time and compassion. It’s okay not to have all the answers right away.
Support from neurodivergent-affirming therapists, inclusive communities, and informed family members can be powerful. The goal is to help the individual feel safe, seen, and empowered to express themselves without shame.
Some helpful strategies for rebuilding identity include:
1. Explore Neurodivergent Communities
Being around others who share similar experiences can validate and normalize feelings. These spaces often provide a sense of belonging that many autistic adults have never felt before.
2. Engage in Creative Self-Expression
Art, music, writing, or movement can help reconnect with authentic interests and emotions. Expressive outlets also bypass verbal demands, making them more accessible for some autistic individuals.
3. Journal About Past and Present Experiences
Reflection can bring clarity to how beliefs and behaviors have been shaped. Writing things down can also help track patterns and emotional responses over time.
4. Use Identity-Affirming Language
Avoid negative internal scripts like “broken” or “wrong.” Embrace terms that reflect strengths and promote a compassionate understanding of autism.
5. Establish Sensory and Emotional Boundaries
These help define personal needs that are core to identity. Boundaries also reduce overwhelm and create safer spaces for self-discovery.
6. Work With Autism-Informed Professionals
Therapists who understand neurodiversity can help guide self-exploration safely. They’re also more likely to offer strategies that support authenticity rather than conformity.
Each step taken toward authenticity builds a stronger foundation for long-term emotional wellness.
How Can ABA Therapy Support Autistic Individuals Through Identity Challenges?
While ABA therapy is often associated with behavioral goals in children, it can also support autistic people, of any age, through emotional and social development when implemented with respect for neurodiversity. ABA, when practiced ethically and person-centered, does not seek to erase autistic traits. Instead, it aims to help individuals function in ways that honor their identity while managing challenges.
In cases of identity crisis in autism, ABA professionals can help individuals develop daily structure, communication tools, and emotional regulation strategies that reduce confusion and promote clarity.
ABA Therapy can help autistic individuals by:
1. Teaching Self-Advocacy
Helps individuals communicate their needs and boundaries clearly. This empowers them to express who they are without fear of rejection or misunderstanding.
2. Helping With Routine Building
Creates consistency that makes space for self-regulation strategies and healing. Predictable structures reduce mental load and allow more energy for exploring identity. If you’re struggling with ADHD, you might find that creating consistency in your routine can make a huge difference. As our article “Struggling with ADHD? Here’s How to Manage Your Time Effectively“ highlights, building predictable structures not only reduces mental load but also frees up valuable energy to focus on healing and self-regulation strategies. This approach can lead to greater space for exploring your true identity, empowering you to navigate daily challenges with more clarity and confidence.
3. Supporting Emotional Awareness
Builds the ability to identify and label feelings, which is key to understanding oneself. Emotional clarity can lead to more confident choices and self-trust.
4. Promoting Autonomy in Decision-Making
Encourages personal choice and exploration within safe limits. This supports growth while still honoring an individual’s pace and comfort zones.
5. Offering Social Scripts
Not for masking, but to reduce anxiety during self-discovery in social settings. Scripts provide scaffolding for authentic interaction rather than forcing conformity.
A person-first, compassionate approach to ABA can guide autistic individuals through periods of confusion toward a more grounded sense of self.
Supporting Identity Growth Through Evidence-Based ABA
Navigating an identity crisis in autism isn’t easy, but no one has to do it alone. At Amaze ABA, we help individuals in Georgia, Nebraska, Maryland, and Virginia explore their strengths, redefine their identity, and build tools that promote self-awareness and confidence.
Our ABA therapy services are tailored to each person’s goals—not based on fixing or changing who they are, but supporting how they thrive. Whether you or your loved one is processing a new diagnosis or trying to unlearn years of masking, our team is here with practical, respectful support.
Reach out to us to learn how our individualized therapy can help guide the path from identity confusion to self-understanding and growth.